Heroes of the Republic
by bondage-bunny1
Summary: Based on Star Wars RPG sessions. You have to read it to understand. Strong language. Bad humor.


Heroes of the Republic Part 1: Encounter at Tatooine by bondage_bunny  
  
Disclaimer: This is a work based on the Star Wars universe. Star Wars obviously does not belong to peons like us, but to George Lucas. So don't sue us we don't have anything anyway. This story begins at the conclusion of the battle of Hoth. This story is based on the Star Wars RPG sessions that our friends and we have partaken in for over 4 years now. The other two individuals are J.W.M. who created Jax, and M.S.E. who created the great one Dar Killian. Little info, the constant misspellings in Ivar's dialogue is intentional, he has a really bad accent. An evil company that seems to hate all life creates the nefarious creation beverage and its evil alcoholic counterpart alcoholic beverage. These are running gags in our game sessions. Read on, beverage must be experienced.  
  
"Come, moost git in boat!" Ivar Shouted! The ground shook as another barrage of fire hit the rebel base. Ivar stood at the ramp to the rebel transport urging his comrades to quickly board. Again the ground shook. As Ivar shouted and ranted he heard a fearful announcement; "Imperial troops have entered the base, Imperial troops have." The message was cut short. Ivar's urging became pitiful pleas. He wondered how long the rebel soldiers could hold off the Imperial forces. "Everyone please moost hurry, please!" He saw a soldier approaching. The soldier was carrying one of his fallen comrades in his arms. The man was obviously dead. The scene touched Ivar. He could feel a tear fill his eye. Ivar said "Put him down.There is nothing you can do fur him.Its too late.Git in boat!" Ivar stood and made sure his rank insignia could be clearly seen. "Yes, Commander." The soldier said as he gently laid his dead friend on the cold floor. "I'm sorry but there is no time.We moost worry about the living."  
  
Philmont "Jax" Jackson had just exited his snow speeder when he heard that the base was being overrun. He had been in battle before, even helped to win a few, but this was the worst he had ever seen. He gathered all the equipment from his speeder that he could carry, and hurried toward the transports. It was a comical display, two human legs covered by boxes and bags. As he started down the final passageway one of the smaller boxes fell to the floor. When he stopped to pick it up, the rest of the equipment also fell to the ground. Through a barrage of curses he bent over to collect his gear. Ivar couldn't believe what he was seeing. The base was falling down around them and this half-wit pilot was gathering his personals. "No! No! Leeve it! Git in boat!" He shouted at the pilot. "What?" Jax was puzzled. Who was this guy? And what the hell was he saying? "I said.GIT IN BOAT!! U understand. B-O-A-T!" 'What the hell are you talking about you son of a bitch? This is an ice planet where the hell are we going to find a boat? Shit, fella, do you mind helping me I've got quite a bit of stuff here, and it is all quite precious to me." Ivar stood in confusion was this blond pretty boy worried more about pieces of sentimental memorabilia than his life. "kak vas zavoot menya zavoot karandash!" "Look, pal, speaking is hard I know, but if you grab a couple of these boxes we can get on that ship there and get the hell of this snowball. Dumbfounded, Ivar walked over to the pilot and picked up a couple of the boxes. "You know dis is quite an enigma you wanting me too do dis when the entire base is about to blow up and stuff." "Do you even speak common?" Jax continued, raising his voice. "I-Need-This- Stuff, understand? I need it! It is my whole life!" Ivar looked inside one of the boxes. "A case of 'Beverage', and a pair of durty soks?" Ivar said in shock, "Your whole life?" "You never know what you might need." "Enough!!" Ivar shouted as he threw the boxes to the ground. He then grabbed the strange man's arm and pulled him onto the ship. Just as the door to the transport closed Ivar and Jax could see the Stormtroopers enter the hanger. As the ship lifted off Jax glared at Ivar with firm anger. "I hope you are happy! Years of my life thrown away. Now those klinkrods are rummaging through my." Jax trailed off as he noticed the rank worn by the stranger for the first time. "PERFECT! Just absolutely, unequally perfect! This man who has a very thin grasp on the art of communication is a Commander." "Are you making fun of me.huh? I'll kick your ass right here Lieutenant!" As Ivar stepped closer to the brash Lieutenant that dared to disrespect him, from under his foot came a painful cry. Ivar looked down and a look of mortification spread across his face. His lips slowly parted, and a baleful wail escaped from the bottom of his heart. "Oh Leviticus, damn the stars the gods have forsaken us!" Leviticus looked up at his grieving master, and then bit Ivar's knee-high boots. "No Kitty.Daddy is so sorry. Forgive me." As Leviticus continued his attack, Jax found himself on the floor of the transport laughing uncontrollably. "What! Dis is no laughing matter. I have hurt Leviticus, now he is angry with me!" Ivar was about to pick up the attacking animal but the ship suddenly rocked violently. Ivar suddenly fell to the floor landing on top of Jax. The two men stood together and looked out the window of the ship. What they saw they could not believe. The transport that was flying with them had been utterly destroyed by the surrounding Star Destroyers. The two men stood side by side looking out at the destruction in silence. The silence was broken when Jax extended his hand, "Jax." Ivar extended his hand, "Ivar."  
  
"Curse you!!!" Dar screamed as he punched the controls of his Correllian Corvette. "Curse you all the way to hell!" His ship was falling from the sky over Tatooine like a rock. He knew that if he hit the surface at this speed no one would be able to tell his dust from the desert sand. "Come on, come on. Your not hit that bad." Dar pulled and poked at the controls. "You piece of Bantha Fodder, FLY!" Dar slammed his fist into the controls, and suddenly his ship roared back to life. Dar acted quickly to get his ship back flying straight and level. "HA! It won't be so easy to get me!" Dar's instruments showed no threats in the area, but he knew better. He looked out of his window and searched the bright sky. "Where are you? Come on out and play." As if to answer his wish Dar saw on the horizon the ship that was his attacker. The ship's name was Slave 1. "Alright Boba Fett! Let's see what you're made of!"  
  
Dar adjusted the controls to send more power to his ship's weapons. He was a brave man and he was sure that if he went full force at Boba Fett, the bounty hunter would back down and land so they could fight man to man. "Hope you are ready to get your ass kicked across this whole desert you bastard," Dar said to no one in particular. He made his ship go full speed straight towards Boba Fett's ship. The bounty hunter did the same. "Guess you have more balls than I thought, you son of bitch." Dar prepared himself for a massive impact, but before that glorious clash was able to happen his ship went dead. "SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! C'mon you bastard not now blaze of glory, blaze of glory!!" His sweet words having no effect on the ship, Dar decided to use his supple touch with machinery instead and proceeded to beat on the control panel for all it was worth. Unfortunately this brilliant tactic was not very effective, and Dar's ship hurled towards the ground with great speed. "Shit! Shit! Shit! So many women never got to know the greatness that is Dar! So much alcohol that I had not quaffed! Oh woe is me, Shit! Shit! Shit!" Few things had ever made quite the noise and damage that Dar's ship wrecked upon the Tusken Raider settlement down below. It was quite tragic really. Flying chunks of metal crashed all around smashing homes and killing sand people. Flaming chunks of metal burnt down sand huts. Yes, it was that hot. Dar slowly got out of his ship. Amazingly he was perfectly okay, not a scratch upon his great person. "Hahaha!! No simple crash can stop the great, stupendous, sublime, cooler than thou, quintessence of man Dar Killian." Then Dar saw all of the sand people that were coming to put his head on a stick, and then the great Dar ran like a little bitch!! Yes even a brave man knows when to count his loses and flee. As he ran he looked up into the sky and saw Slave 1. "I guess I deserve this." But suddenly Fett's ship opened fire on the pursuing Tusken Raiders. The poor sand people never knew what hit them. Those that were not killed by the attack fled to safety. Then Fett's ship turned to face Dar. It hovered in the air and kicked up the desert sand beneath it. Dar stood defiantly waiting for the moment of truth. But suddenly Fett's ship turned and launched into space. "What the." Dar was puzzled. "Ha! I defy you! I curse you as a coward! Come back and face the great.. THE DIAMOND!!!! I forgot it. Shit!" Dar hurried back to his wrecked ship completely ignoring the fact that it was in the middle of the Tusken Raider village. Kicking the wounded sand people out of his way he re-entered his ship. He hurried back to what was left of his living quarters and opened a small box that he kept under his bed. In the box was a diamond the size of a wookie fist, "Whew! Still intact." As Dar made his way out of the desert he wondered. What had made Boba Fett just leave. Dar knew the Bounty for him was only payable if he was alive, and the diamond undamaged. Fett might have thought that the diamond was destroyed in the crash, and thought that killing Dar would be a waste of energy. "How dare he not think me worthy of his energy! I am Dar! Do you hear me.I AM DAR!!!" His voice echoed across the empty desert. And Dar continued toward civilization. ____________________________________________________________________________ __________  
  
The sky was a perfect shade of azure. The bright, white sunlight of early autumn fell upon a sprawling field of wheat. The wheat's grains were full and were only waiting to be harvested, and put the pestle and mortar before becoming large loaves of bread. To the north of a field was a thick forest of maples, black cherries, and pines. The various scents of the trees filled the air, filling the breather's lungs with their natural fragrance. Beside the forest a large river flowed. It's waters so clear that one could see the granite riverbed. Large fish swam in the cool waters. The field itself spoke of the richness of the soil from which it grew. The verdant grass covered the grass completely not a single patch of dirt to mar its perfection. Large stones sat upon the field in majestic silence. Pass the field of golden wheat, was a large settlement of homes made of river stones. Plumes of smoke floated from the chimneys of homes. Clang! The sound of metal striking metal broke the silence in the field. Two men stood sword to sword in the waist high wheat. One man stood wearing heavy armor while only his shirt and tunic protected the other. The heavily armored man stood tall over his opponent and swung his mighty blade again. Quickly the unarmored man parried, and swiftly kicked his attacker off his feet. The armored man hit the ground with a loud thud, crushing the wheat beneath him. "Well, come on Brogorous." Macon laughed as he stood over his fallen opponent. "We haven't even started yet." "This is madness!" Brogorous said as he slowly stood. "You agreed to the deal! Defeat me and you can go free. Lose and." a smile came across Macon's face, "Well if you lose then that would mean that you are dead." "Defeat the First Knight! You all knew that was not a fair deal!" "You could have served your sentence in the dungeon, but you agreed to this." Macon assumed a battle stance. "Now sir, if you are quite finished whining." Brogorous charged at the First Knight with all his might, putting all of his strength into the attack. Macon crouched low and brought his sword to bare against his attacker. And in that moment the landscape went dark as Brogorous was run through. Macon looked to the sky as his opponent fell dead to the ground. The sky was filled with strange creatures. The creatures made terrible noises as they flew. One of them landed near Macon. After it had landed the creatures mouth opened and hundreds of men in white armor came charging out. "The King!" Macon shouted to himself as he turned from the strange men and began to run to the castle. As he was running he felt numbness through his body as he fell to the ground.  
  
Macon awoke screaming in his bed aboard his ship. He quickly made his way to the sink and splashed cold water on his face. He had been taken from his homeland ten years ago, and still the nightmares haunted him. The door to his room opened and a large man entered the room with a wrench in one hand and a half-eaten sandwich in the other. "What wrong.Who in here?" The man demanded. "No one Rufus, go back to bed we will be at Tatooine soon." "I hear a scream! Rufus ready to fight!" After he spoke he took a hearty bite of his sandwich. "I told you, no one is here but me." "Why you scream?" Rufus asked, and then opened his mouth for another bite of his sandwich, but instead he got a mouthful of wrench. "Hmmm.. Bread is stale." He said chewing on the wrench. "I promise to buy more bread when we reach Tatooine if you'll just go back to bed." Macon pleaded. "Ok.as long as you make that promise to Rufus." Rufus returned to his room and Macon sat alone with his thoughts. ____________________________________________________________________________ __________  
  
Ivar and Jax sat side by side in the rear passenger area of a Rebel shuttle. Jax sat with his face in his hands mumbling just under his breath. "Of all the rotten luck. 'Go with Commander Kristoninovich, he will need your help'. Damn right he'll need my help. That mush mouthed, pain in the ass, ignorant, pissy, sorry ass, son of a bitch, bastard." "Don't hold back, tell me how you really feel. You son of a Nerf." Ivar snapped. "Shut the hell up, you make my head hurt!" "You are no joy to be wid either you knows." Ivar studied his unhappy companion. Jax had traded in his flight suit for civilian attire, and outfitted himself quite obviously with a few weapons. "You know we are supposed to try and avoid the enemy." "Yea, right. You avoid, I'll fight!" "Dis is hopeless! You have no respect for me.I outrank you!!" Ivar was becoming very upset. This only seemed to make Jax want to egg him on more. "Rank is right.What the hell is that smell?" Jax looked around and saw Leviticus exiting a small box in the corner of the shuttle. "Ahh. Good kitty.uses the sand. Easy to scoop." Ivar smiled. A voice came from the cockpit and announced that they had arrived at Tatooine and would be landing soon. "Thank goodness!" Jax said. "I have got to get away from that horrid odor." Leviticus purred.  
  
Dar entered Mos Eisley very withered. "Oh, I'm tired, dirty, thirsty, hungry.horny." An old woman Dar was passing at the time gave him a troubled look. But then smiled. "Oh, no.Not that!" Dar said. He continued further into town until he found the Mos Eisley Cantina. He quickly walked in and sat at the bar. "Bartender! The great Dar needs a drink! Make it fast!" The bartender slowly made his way towards Dar. Dar was not pleased with his pace. "I said quickly dillweed!" The bartender gave Dar a stern look and began to move a little faster. A little. Dar got his drink and quickly gulped it down. He was about to order another, but his mouth and throat were bone dry. Every inch of his throat felt like gravel. He looked behind the bar to see what he had been given. He saw a plain white bottle with big black block letters that said beverage. Dar reached behind the bar and grabbed the first bottle he could find, pulled the top off and gulped it down fast. But his situation did not improve. Just before he lost his vision and passed out he saw on the plain white label in blood red block letters alcoholic beverage.  
  
Macon and Rufus enter the Mos Eisley Cantina just in time to see a large fellow at the bar hit the floor with a thud much to the delight of the bartender. The fellow had hit his head on the way down which left a good-sized knot on his head. "We should watch ourselves, Rufus." Macon said. Rufus only offered a grunt in response. The two men walked up to the bar near the fallen man and ordered a couple of drinks. As Macon and Rufus enjoyed their drinks a small very unkempt man approached the fallen man and began to search his belongings. The searching man peeked into the passed out gentleman's backpack. His eyes opened wide and he began to drool. Macon could not help but take notice. "Excuse me." Macon said. "What!" The unkempt man responded. "Perhaps you should leave that man's belongings alone." "Listen here pretty boy, mind you own business! What do you care! Is this your boyfriend gayboy?" As the man said this, a Voice erupted from the other end of the bar. "GAY!" The voice said. Macon, Rufus and everyone else in the bar turned to face its source. Silence filled the room. In the distance a droid beeped. A very, very large man stood with a broken glass in his hand. The glass had been crushed by the man's grasp. He slowly waded through the crowd. Macon could not help but feel a little bit threatened. The man stood in front of Macon. "Gay?" He repeated. Macon pointed at the dirty would be thief. What happened next can only be described as pure, unadulterated pain. The beating lasted for what seemed an eternity. The tiny man never stood a chance. As the large man was dragging his victim out of the bar a voice called. "Owen! What are you doing!" Owen turned to face who was calling to him. "Jax?" Owen said. "I'm just taking out the garbage. I know where I can use a trash compactor." "You are a trash compactor!" Jax responded. "Filth like this cannot be allowed around here. With our male children, making them want to dance like fairies, wear bright clothing that matches their shoes, and inserting their seeds into boys' anuses. You know these seeds grow in side the boys' butts like parasites they feed on the fleshy walls, and after they get sufficient nourishment, they grow propellers that come out of the boys' asses they start to fly around, and- ." Mercifully, Jax cut off Owen's tirade. "Okay, okay, I get the idea! Do what you have to do!" "Yes, Owen serves the good of humanity. If I didn't help, the gays would fly around with their butt propellers and spread their gayness everywhere. It is tragic. I serve mankind!" Owen then yelled and ran out the door, dragging the unconscious dirty, little man behind him. No one spoke for a while. In fact no one even moved. The shock of it all. The silence was broken when Jax spoke again. "Sooo, what's shakin'?" At that the band started back up and people began to speak again. "You know that man?" Ivar asked. "Yep." Jax answered. "From a long time ago." "You are a strange man. I do not think anyone-" Ivar was cut off by a horrible yell. He looked at Jax in shock. "Don't ask, just don't ask." The Stormtrooper patrol arrived to investigate the disturbance just as Jax and Ivar reached the bar. "Shit." Macon said. "No good can come of this." The Troopers began talking to people in the bar, and a lot of the people pointed at Jax. Jax turned to Ivar. "Lets slowly go towards the door. Try not to draw attention." "K.O." Ivar said. And the two headed for the door. "Hey you!" A Trooper called to Jax. Jax again faced Ivar. "Remember when I said don't draw attention? Forget it! RUN!" Jax and Ivar took off out the door with the Troopers in pursuit. They ran out the door and through the street. "We need to split up! I'll meet you back at the ship in an hour!" "But I have no gun! What if I need to fight?" "Just avoid them!" Jax yelled as he cut down an alley. Ivar continued down the street as fast as he could run. He glanced over his shoulder and saw three troopers following. Ivar ducked down the next street and ran in the first door he saw. Then, he ran up a staircase, kicked open a door and found himself in an apartment. He closed the door as well as he could. As he did he could hear a trooper coming up the stairs. "Oh, my. Moost git out!" He turned and went further into the room. There were only two other doors. He ran in the door on the left and much to his surprise found himself landing face first in a bathtub. As surprised as he was he was not as surprised as the woman who was taking a bath at the time. She looked at Ivar in shock. Ivar could hear the trooper coming closer. He looked again at the lovely lady. "No time to explain." He took a deep breath and hid beneath the bubbles in the tub, just then the trooper entered the room. "Oh!" The trooper said. "Excuse me!" He turned and quickly ran down the stairs. Ivar emerged from beneath the water and jumped out of the tub. Rubbing the soap from his eyes he looked back at the lady. "I thank you for not giving me away. I take my leave of you now, yes." And he turned to go. "Wait." The lady said. "What's your hurry?" Ivar smiled. ____________________________________________________________________________ __________ Jax ran with all his might. He wouldn't be surprised if the sand underneath his feet had turned to glass with the speed he was running, but every time that he looked back over his shoulder it seemed as if the Stormtroopers were gaining on him.  
  
How do those bastards run so fast with that shit on? Jax asked himself as he ran. At least they aren't shooting at me. Jax thought, as a laser bolt shot by his head. Well, shit I guess they have decided that the lives of pedestrians is not that important. Jax turned quickly down a corner that led into a bazaar. The smells of exotic foods and spices greeted him. He wished that he good stop to sample, but the Stormtroopers were still in hot pursuit, knocking everyone who got in their way on the ground. Luckily for Jax he was in quite good shape so he was able to avoid the various people and aliens quite well. He noticed a both that was selling desert travel robes, and hurried over to it. "Yea, yea, how much for one set of robes. I don't care which one it is just as long as it fits me." Jax looked back apparently he had given the Stormtroopers the slip for a second. Nope, Shit! Jax spotted them, but apparently they had not seen him yet. "C'mon, man! Hurry it the hell up! I've gotta get the hell out of here quickly!" "Well, sir let me get a good look at you. My aren't you a big fellow, and with that blond hair! Hmm, I think that a light color would set your hair and eyes off nicely." "What the hell are you talking about you damn son of a bitch just get me a set of robes!" "Well, just be that way, the man grabbed a set of light green traveling robes, "20 credits." Jax paid immediately, and grabbed the robes, but the man didn't let them go. "What is your problem man! Give them to me!" "Don't you want to haggle?" Jax looked over and saw that a Stormtrooper was making his way towards him. "Piss up a rope!" Without getting his robes, Jax ran as fast as he could, pursued by the Stormtrooper. As Jax ran down the street a speeder came out of a side street right in front of him. Jax, thinking quickly, dove straight forward and over the hood of the speeder. He hit the ground, rolled and continued running. Jax was running out of city to hide in, and the trooper was gaining on him. With nowhere left to go Jax ducked into a shop. He looked at the man behind the counter. "Look, I don't have time to explain, but if that buckethead catches me I'm a dead man." The man looked out the door and say that the trooper was a step away. "Quick, get in the back and start frying something." The man said. Jax did not question. He grabbed an apron, some bacon and started frying. Just as the trooper entered the man said to Jax. "What are you doing? This is a doughnut shop." As the trooper entered Jax spun around on his heals with a tray in his hands. "Cream filled bacon anyone?" Jax said with an inviting smile. "What?" The trooper and shop owner said together. "Oh. C'mon, try it!" Smiling still. The trooper reluctantly took a piece of the bacon that had been quickly filled with doughnut cream. The trooper removed his helmet, and slowly took a bite. Slowly a smile appeared on his face. "This is pretty good!" The trooper helped himself to another piece. "No more time for a break. Did either of you see a man run in here?" "No." Jax said, echoed by the shop owner. "O.k., thanks." The trooper said as he left, grabbing another piece of bacon as he left. Jax stood in amazement. He could not believe what he had just done. He handed the shop owner the tray of Cream Filled Bacon, and left out the back door. "I wonder how Ivar made out?" ____________________________________________________________________________ __________  
  
Dar woke up in a hospital bed with IV's in both arms. His vision was blurry, but he could make out a figure standing over him. The figure spoke. "Ahh. Very good! He is awake." Dar's vision cleared a little more and he could see that there were three men in the room. "You are very lucky sir, You were severely dehydrated. Not only were you dehydrated by the heat but you mixed beverage and alcoholic beverage." The doctor looked closely at Dar's face. "So now I have to ask. Are you insane?" Dar cleared his throat. "Thirsty, tired, hungry...horny." "We'll take it from here doc." Another voice said. With that the doctor left the room. "My name is Macon Wolfcastle, I was in the cantina to meet someone for an information exchange. When my contact never showed up I assumed it might be you. Was my assumption correct?" "Nope" Dar answered. "Damn it all!" Macon said through clenched teeth. "Now what?" "My backpack." Dar said. "Where is my backpack?" "It here." The other man said taking it off his back. "Big shinny rock in there. No food though." "This is Rufus." Macon said. "He's a little slow, but strong as an bantha." Dar took his backpack and checked to make sure the diamond was still there. "Not that it's any of my business sir, but why are you just carrying that around. It is not very safe." A thoughtful look came over Dar's face. "You know, you're right. It is none of your business." Macon grinned.  
  
Jax waited for hours beside the hanger where the shuttle was docked. "Where is that annoying cuss." He said. "He is probably giving some poor local a stroke by asking for directions. That man is gonna cause me to go nuts. He is really getting under my skin. He is really causing me to.talk to my self." He frowned. Finally, Ivar appeared. His step was light, and his smile was large. "Hello. Sorry I am late. Something came up." Ivar said. "You're glowing." Jax said in disgust. "I am not" "Yes you are!" Jax was noticeably irritated. "You had sex! I've been waiting here for hours, and you're off getting your jollies with some local tart!" "Serena is no tart. She is an artist." Ivar said with a heavy sigh. "ARTIST!!! What the hell does that mean?" "You had to be there." Ivar said dreamily. For a moment Jax could swear that Ivar was floating. Jax had had enough. "Alright! Why exactly are we here anyway?" "Information exchange. We moost find a man named Makon Wolfcastle." "Wolfcastle? Never heard a name like that one before. Where is he from?" "Ah, that is the entire point of the information exchange. I am to give him some information on some of his people from his home planet. It seems that 10 years ago the Empire attacked his planet, and that most of the inhabitants were wiped out. I came across some information that he might find useful, and he has some that might be useful to the rebel cause, so we are here to exchange info with each other." "Shit, why did it have to be on this dustbowl of a planet. Why couldn't we have met on some resort planet with big titted women in skimpy outfits. Instead we are here surrounded by the smell of bantha shit. It is lovely let me tell you." "I didn't decide to meet here, Wolfcastle said that he wanted to meet here. We find that his information could prove moost useful to the Rebellion, so we were willing to meet his demands to meet here." "Whatever. Were you suppose to meet him at the Cantina?" "Yes, that be the place that I was suppose to meet him, but all this poo poo that has recently happened really turned our plans for a big loop." Jax sighed. "Well, I guess that the only thing that we can do is go back to the Cantina and hope that he will still be there when we get there, or if he has left that he will return shortly." "I'm pretty sure that he will be there. This information seems to be pretty important to him, so you can bet your last credit that he will be there." Ivar sniffed the air. "Why do you smell like bekon?" "Long story," I'll go into it at great detail at a later date. Truly I will, although it can't be quite as interesting as what you were doing." Ivar smiled. "Nope, probably not!" With that, Ivar turned and started walking towards the Cantina, whistling all the way. Jax flipped him off.  
  
"Let me get this straight." Dar said. "In order for you to give me a lift off this rock I have to share some of the profit from this diamond with you." "That is correct." Macon answered. "10% to be exact." "10%? Do you have any idea how much this thing is worth! Or what I have gone through to get and keep it! 10% my homesick ass!" Dar turned away, and started to storm off. "You know we could have left you on the floor of the cantina. And that doctor visit wasn't cheap either." Macon said crossing his arms. Dar paused and looked back. He looked at the backpack and then too a look around the city. "Hell, put it that way I'll give ya' 15%! I guess I should introduce myself. I am Dar 'the great, magnificent, glorious, fabulous,' Killian." Dar stood in a regal pose. "Right." Macon paused. "So tell me 'Great One' how does one so great get stuck on this rock." Rufus began to laugh, and nearly choked on his sandwich. Dar looked at him. He could take a lot of things, but not being laughed at. He walked up to Rufus and without a word punched him straight across the jaw. Rufus hit the ground with a thud. Dar straddled him and began pummeling him relentlessly. Macon started laughing. Dar halted his assault on Rufus, and looked at Macon. "What the hell are you laughing at?" Dar demanded. "Well, it seems you have chosen the wrong person to vent your frustrations on." Macon paused to chuckle as he wiped a tear from his eye. "You see great Dar Rufus rather enjoys it." Dar looked puzzled at Macon. With his attention diverted he did not see which of Rufus' fists hit him first. All he knew was that he was hit in the face, stomach, kidney, groin, throat, spine, knee, the face a few more times, the arms, the liver, chest, face again, and he wasn't sure but he could have sworn something bit him. And he loved it! Finally someone to present a challenge. When the dust settled the three men walked away laughing together.  
  
Jax and Ivar stood at the bar of the cantina keeping a lookout for not only Macon Wolfcastle, but also for Stormtroopers. The day was growing short, and soon the twin suns of Tatooine would set. "Well Ivar, I believe we have missed our opportunity for that exchan- ." Jax paused. "What?" Ivar asked. "Do we need to run again?" "No my verbally challenged friend, look walking in the door." Ivar looked and saw three men walk in the door. Two of them were rather large fellows who looked like that had just been in one hell of a brawl. The other, who was not a small fellow himself, looked as clean as one could be on this desert planet. "What? Do you think one of them is our man?" Ivar asked. "I'm not sure. But that one looks like the man that was knocked out on the floor when we first came in. That might be him." Jax answered. "Hmm. We must be cautious." "Cautious my ass. I want off this rock!" Jax walked straight up to the man. "Excuse me are you here to meet someone?" Dar looked at him confused. "What is it about me that makes me look like someone who is waiting for something?" "It could be that big knot on your head." Jax said. "Are you or are you not Macon Wolfcastle?" Macon stepped forward. "No, sir, he is not. But I am." Macon extended his hand. "You would be Ivar Kristoninovich?" "Oh hell no!" Jax said. "I'm Jax. I am the one who can speak! That is Ivar at the bar." He motioned for Ivar to join them. "Ahh. Finally we meet. Shall we sit?" Ivar said as he shook hands. The men sat together at a table. Macon pulled a disc from his pocket. "This disc contains information on several Imperial bases. Tell me what you know of my people, and its yours." Ivar spoke at great length of prison camps that he knew of that housed people he believed came from Macon's homeworld. According to Ivar's information the people were being used as slave labor and that Macon's homeworld itself was now a colony of the Empire. The Empire had named the planet Way'anna and they were using it as a supply for natural resources. The Empire planned to suck the planet dry, and move on. After Ivar told what he knew everyone sat in silence. Macon looked to be in deep thought. After a few moments he handed Ivar the disc and simply nodded. As the group stood up to part company a platoon of Stormtroopers entered the Cantina. And they did not appear to be there for a social call.  
  
"Now this is what Rufus calls fun!" Rufus yelled. Dar smiled. The Heroes of the Republic Part II: Broken Armor, Blood and Guts, and a Mean Wookie By bondage_bunny  
  
Hello friends, once again we use George Lucas's Star Wars universe as our stomping grounds, but of course these are only borrowed stomping grounds. George owns all of this we are just squatters. So don't sue us we have a half eaten can of Spam between us.  
  
Setting: This takes place after the first part of our story.  
  
  
  
  
  
Ivar, Jax, Macon, Dar, and Rufus sat in an awkward silence. The cold metal walls around them seemed only to amplify the silence. Jax stood and walked over to the sealed door to their cell. "Well, that went well didn't it." "Shut up! Your idea was no better!" Ivar responded. "Well, perhaps if I could have understood a single word you were saying, we would have gotten out of there!" Jax crossed his arms in triumph. "You, you, why do you use my language as an excuse for your own short comings? Huh?" Ivar stood and walked over to Jax. " 'Out dee back! Out dee back!'" Ivar said. "How hard is dis to understand? Huh? Hmmm?" Ivar walked away, then turned again. "Now poor Leviticus is all alone, probably worried sik about his daddy!" Ivar began to cry. "This worries me." Dar said. "Me too." Macon agreed. "Rufus hungry." Rufus said as he rubbed his stomach. "I'm surrounded!" Jax yelled. "Blast! The articulately impaired one is crying, the two assholes are worried, and the large one is hungry! Why me? What have I done!" Dar stood and approached Jax. "Let me tell you something sunshine! You are not exactly the company I was looking for when I woke up this morning." Macon stood. "And where do you get off calling me an asshole. Ever since we met all I have heard from you is bitch after bitch!" Dar reached up and grabbed Jax by the throat with both hands and began to choke him. "You overbearing prick! I am going to kill you." Dar said as his grip tightened. Jax struggled to breath but could not. Just before he passed out from lack of oxygen, a very loud roar was heard from the hallway beyond the door. Dar released his grip and Jax hit the floor. Macon said, "I know that sound! That is the sound of something very large, and very unhappy." He leaned close to the door to listen closer to the sound. He immediately jerked back as the door began to buckle for something very strong banging on it. "No, No!" Ivar said. "We are done for! If anyone survives please tell Leviticus I luv him." Suddenly the door was smashed away. Jax, Ivar and Macon gathered behind a determined looking Rufus, and looked out the door. Before them stood a large wookie covered in blood. "By the stars." Jax said. As they stood there in shock a voice came from behind the wookie. "Don't just stand there wetting yourselves, Come on." The men looked and saw Owen standing behind the wookie. "Come on, I said!" The men rushed out of their cell and looked down the hall. What they saw was almost too horrid to repeat. Scattered human body parts, blood covered walls, and an assortment of bits and pieces or stormtrooper armor. "I see you have made your usual entrance." Jax said. "Yes very nice." Ivar said. "Where are their guns?" "Guns?" Owen looked confused. "Who needs guns?" As he spoke the wookie turned and ripped one of the blast doors from the wall, and held it in front of her like a shield. The men gathered behind the wookie and charged down the hall, yelling the entire way. A stormtrooper who was just entering the cellblock stood in shock unable to move as the door wielding wookie charged him down. The impact of door upon stormtrooper sounded throughout the room. The stormtrooper was hurtled at a high speed against the ground. As the group passed him, the enormous foot of the wookie crushed his head, leaving a mess of broken plastic, skull fragments, blood, and crushed brains. The men kept yelling as the wookie charged. "Who is your, friend?" Jax asked, between yells. "Her name is Cupcake, she is the love of my life. Don't get any ideas, Jax." The yelling reached a higher octave. Unfortunately for the group, Cupcake was unable to see where she was going and ran right into a wall, falling back onto the others, knocking them all on the floor. Even more unfortunate, they had been lined up from largest to smallest. "Git off of me, your ass is too big! It crush me like grape!" Ivar yelled beating on Jax's back. Macon was buried underneath everyone else and was silent. Cupcake and Owen and Rufus got up and helped up their smaller companions. Dar, Jax, Ivar, and Macon were all quite winded form being crushed by such a large amount of ass, but were otherwise okay. "Guess we should have turned here," Owen said, looking up at Cupcake. She growled lovingly at him, and then preceded to charge down the hall followed by her companions, who, for whatever reason started yelling again. "Aren't we getting through this a little too easily?" Macon asked. Immediately after stating his worry, blaster fire started to rain down upon them. Cupcake dropped to her knees, and held the door up, protecting them from the blasts. "Oh yea don't need guns, right, right," Dar said sarcastically. "I said we needed guns, but no! No one will listen to me I am the commander, but no one will listen to me. I am just a mouth spitting out words, but I might as well be an asshole pooping out shit!" Ivar yelled. "I didn't see you picking up any, Commander dumb ass. "I . . . You . . . Shut up!" "Such articulation." As Jax and Ivar continued their name games, Macon snuck off back to where the mashed stormtrooper laid in a heap. Macon picked up the dead man's gun and hurried back to his companions. "I've got a gun." "Great one gun we are saved," Dar said, "and will the two of you shut up! Damn! How long can you keep it up we are in a precarious situation here!" "Ass." Ivar said, sticking his tongue out at Jax. "I know you are, but what am I?" Macon burst in between the two bickering "men," and made his way over to where Cupcake was holding the door, and started firing at the stormtroopers. His few blasts were met with dozens of theirs. "Man, this sucks," Dar said. "Yea, this is totally gay," Jax said. He regretted it the moment he said it. "Gay!" Owen stood straight up, and reached down and grabbed Macon by his collar and belt and lifted him above his head. "Ah, shit! Owen we haven't got time for this!" Jax yelled. "Gay!" Owen lifted Macon as high as he could then threw the much smaller man at the stormtroopers. The stormtroopers stood in confusion, and were greeted with Macon crashing into them. Cupcake took the opportunity opened during the confusion to attack the stormtroopers with her door, smashing them on the ground like they were bugs. Some of the stormtroopers shot back, striking the wookie, but their shots seemed to have little affect and they all met their end crushed under the metal door. The rest of the gang stood back in awe, watching Owen bash a stormtrooper's body against the wall. "Guns, guns, lets get armed." Dar said. He was the first to come to his senses after the brutal attack. Rufus looked at Owen and Cupcake with tears in his eyes. "I like you, you make Rufus proud!" Cupcake picked up her door, and began to run again, followed closely behind by Rufus and Owen. Ivar looked at Dar who looked at Macon who looked at Jax who looked at back at Ivar. "Shall we git goin' then?" "Yep," said Dar. "Sure," said Macon. "Where the hell else do you expect us to go?" Jax said, shooting a bird at Ivar. They took off running after the others, and of course they were yelling. Cupcake reached the door to the bridge of the ship that was guarded by two stormtroopers that immediately surrendered at the sight of her. And what a sight she was. 7 feet tall, covered in blood, and other bodily fluids, some of her hair burned by blaster fire, and a look of pure animalism on her face. Ivar and Jax secured the prisoners as Cupcake dropped her door and began to bash in the well-secured bridge door. She pulled and smashed with all her might and finally the door collapsed down. She stepped into the bridge, grabbed the first man she could get her hands on, hoisted him high into the air, and let out a terrifying roar that was accented by the mans screams of terror. Macon entered the bridge and approached the captain who stood with his eyes and mouth wide open in horror, much like the rest of the bridge crew. "Sir," Macon said, "I am a man of peace. I have no great desire to see any of the galaxy's creatures harmed." Macon gestured towards Cupcake. "She however, does not feel this way. Please, sir, I implore you, surrender your ship to us before its too late." The captain simply nodded, the put his hands high in the air. His crew followed his example. Rufus grinned.  
  
Ivar stood at the command center of the bridge. He was examining the star maps trying to find the rendezvous point for the fleet. Once he found it he marked it in the ships flight computer, and waited. After a few moments Macon and Jax entered the bridge followed by about 15 rebellion pilots. "We found these guys down in the brig." Jax said. "We also found a few mechanics of sorts and have put them to work in the engine room." "Very good." Ivar said. "Have de Imperial officers been secured?" "Yes, sir." Jax said. This caught Ivar off guard, and nearly caused him to spill his Corrillian tea that he was sipping. He cast a questioning look at Jax. "Yes, sir? You say sir to me?" Ivar said. "You prefer Ma'am?" Jax asked in all seriousness. "No.no.not what I mean. I'm just confused, you have never respected me." "If there is one thing I know, it is the captain of a ship. In this case it is you. However, if you so desire I will forgo the formalities." Jax responded. "No! Carry on." Ivar said quickly. "You men!" Ivar said to the rebel pilots as he motioned to the various stations on the bridge. "Man a post, I have set the course to the rebel fleet."  
  
Dar stood with Owen in one of the Star Destroyer's shuttle bays. "What are we doing here?" Dar asked. "Cupcake and I are leaving. This is our ship." Owen said. "How did your ship get here?" Dar asked confused. "Well, after you guys got captured, Cupcake and I flew out to the Star Destroyer and surrendered ourselves as rebels." Dar looked around the shuttle bay and saw the destruction caused by the so- called surrender. "Uh-hum." Dar said. "Well, I'm glad you came. Thanks." The men shook hands and Dar returned to the bridge as Owen and Cupcake left in their ship.  
  
Dar walked through the opening that had once been the bridge's main security door and lumbered his way over to where Macon stood, gazing out at the stars. "Well, that little adventure put us behind schedule for a bit, but I doubt if being a day behind will make that much difference. We just need to make it back to Tatooine, and get your ship. My ship has seen better days, and the remains of it are probably serving as a jawa's shitter at this very moment." "Such pretty words. But I do agree with you we should be off soon." Macon turned to Ivar who was busy poring over the star charts. "Cdr. Kristoninovich, would you please take us back to Tatooine or allow us to take a star vessel on board this destroyer? Dar and I have our prior business to take care of." Ivar said nothing and continued looking at his star charts. "Cdr. Kristoninovich, could you please let us off at Tatooine or give us a ship?" Macon was becoming a bit perturbed with Ivar. He could tell that the bearded man could hear him because Ivar's eyes twitched both times he said something about leaving the ship. Ivar still did not answer, but instead reached into his jacket's inner pocket and pulled out a black flask, and took a swig from it. "Hey, Alphabet, can't you hear what the man is saying? Take us back or give us a damn ship! Is your hearing as screwed up as your speaking ability?" Dar thundered. Ivar took another swig from his flask, turned to Dar, and looked him straight in the eye. "Look, my friend, we are involved in quite a situation here, you understand?" "Are you talking clearer? Did that stuff you are drinking help your speaking ability? Shit, man, you should drink that all of the time save the rest of from having to figure out that jumbled garbage that comes from your mouth." Ivar took another swig. "Look, you bastard, the Rebellion needs as many men as possible to help it against the Empire, and you want to just up and leave? How could you just leave us like that after all that we have been through?" Macon spoke up. "All that we have been through? Listen, Ivar, you and I had a deal my information for your information, and nothing more. It is true that we did go through more together, but my people still need me. I've been searching for them a very long time now, and now that the time for their liberation is in my grasp, I can't just sit back and worry about the Empire. Look at it this way, Ivar, the Empire imprisons them so if I free them I'll be fighting against the Empire." Ivar took another swig from the flask. He took a step toward Dar, and wound up stumbling to the floor. Face plastered on the floor, Ivar released a low moan. "What the hell is this?" Dar said, kneeling next to the fallen Ivar. Dar pushed the fallen man over, and was greeted by a very large, smelly belch. "Good gravy, man!" Dar looked into Ivar's eyes, which were out of focus and quite red. "This turd is drunk!" Dar reached over to where Ivar's flask lied on the floor. He unscrewed the top and took a whiff. Suddenly his eyes were full of tears and he saw stars. It was not quite as strong as alcoholic beverage, but it was close enough. Ivar reached for the flask. "Give it back. I need the power that it has." He took the flask from Dar's outstretched hand, put back into his pocket, and fell asleep. "He's a drunk! Ivar is a drunk! Talk about separation anxiety. Guess we are surrogates for his cat Leviticus!" Jax exclaimed, walking over to where Ivar fell. Macon, Dar, and everyone else on the bridge looked at Jax, and said in one collective voice, "A cat!?" "I'm not going into it, but let's say that Ivar loves his cat. It is impossible for me to make that statement sound anymore realistic." It was all quiet on the bridge. The only sound that punctuated the silence was Ivar's drunken snores. "Well, Jax," Macon said, "Looks like you are in command now." "Looks that way." Jax said. He looked around the bridge at the curious eyes of his make shift crew. "Then I guess we should ask you about taking a ship." Dar said. He crossed his arms waiting for a response. "I couldn't care less." Jax stated matter-of-factly. "Take a shuttle, and good luck to you." "See you around." Macon said as he extended his hand. The three men shook hands. Then Dar and Macon went to the shuttle bay followed closely by Rufus.  
  
As Macon, Dar and Rufus boarded the shuttle. Macon entered the cockpit and looked at the controls with confusion in his eyes. Dar studied the look on Macon's face. "What's wrong with you?" He asked. "You look like you have never been in a cockpit before. These are all standard controls." Dar started the engines. "Now sit down and give me a hand." "Umm, sure." Macon said as he sat in his chair. He looked around under the control panel and pulled out the flight manual. "Lets see here." He flipped through the pages. "What are you doing!?" Dar yelled. "I thought you were a pilot!" "I am. I just have a special set up in my ship that I am used to." "Never mind! I'll do everything." Dar said as he quickly went to work. "Maybe Rufus can help me." This comment brought a chuckle from Macon. "Right. Rufus. Sure." The fact was, Rufus was buried deep into the ship's refrigerator. "Rufus too busy to help. Rufus so hungry he can't think." "Of all the screwed up, half baked, ill advised ideas I have ever had, this one takes the cake." Dar ranted. " How have the two of you survived this long? Good looks! A pilot that doesn't understand the basic controls, and a walking stomach! This is just great! You know I really don't need you right now anyway! I have a ship, so I don't need yours anymore!" "True, but this thing has only one weapon system." Macon stated. "Mine has several. On top of that, this is an Imperial shuttle. If you think that the Empire won't destroy one of its own ships you are more of an idiot than Rufus could ever be." Dar looked at his backpack that contained his stolen diamond. He thought for a moment. "So you have a point! I guess I'll stick to our deal then. For now lets just get out of here." With that, Dar flew the ship out into space, set the course, and made the jump into hyperspace. Rufus ate.  
  
Finished on November 15, 2001 Questions, comments, or complaints: bondage_bunny@hotmain.com To be continued in part 2. 


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